Since I had to call off work today because I’m sick, I now have time to write about whatever I want, so that’s what I’m going to do.
First, let me say that staying hydrated while you’re sick is the worst thing ever. Sure, it makes me feel better, but I have to pee every 30 minutes. It’s a bit frustrating since all I want to do is lay down and not move because I kind of feel like death. The struggle is real.
Second, I’m faced with the predicament of sitting down and doing nothing when I definitely have things to do. Since I’m doing nothing, you’d think I could get everything in the world I want to done, but my head hurts too much to think and I’m too drowsy to be completely awake to focus on anything. So that’s great.
And you’re probably thinking, what’s so terrible about laying down, watching television, and drinking large polar pops full of Gatorade all day? Well, you kind of feel stuck. I feel stuck here because I can’t do much of anything. I don’t want to watch any more television because I watched the entire first disc of the second season of Spongebob Squarepants last night, and I can’t play candy crush saga because I have no lives left.
What an annoying way to spend my day. This is really frustrating to me. However, I am convicted at the same time because I just started reading this book called The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer. In the first chapter of the book, Shirer talks about resolving to be content in whatever situation we are in. This was initially convicting to me because I have recently spent a lot of time wishing I was in a different place. Right now, the Lord has clearly called me to step back from leadership positions in the church and focus on healing from things that have hurt me in the past. Right now, I’m working on not hating myself, which is pretty difficult.
So far, this book has challenged me to be content in all situations, but I have never thought about being content in sickness. Now that I am sick and weaker than normal, I am challenged to be content in a place where I am limited in my daily activities, where I sometimes have to sit and be content in my boredom.
I think the scariest part about this for me is being alone with my thoughts, and also being alone with God. I’m afraid of my thoughts because I know they will lead me to thinking that I have no purpose in this time of weakness, and I’m afraid of being alone with God because I’m afraid of him. I believe he will yell at me if I let him in. However hard I try to believe the opposite, I still believe this lie.
I suppose I’m in a place where I have to face these lies and be honest with myself in what I believe. I really don’t have any conclusions, but I guess what I’m saying is that it’s really hard to be content in any situation, especially in one where you are really bored.
One last thought. In the state I’m in, I often begin to think that I don’t have a purpose since I can’t do anything, but nowhere in the bible does it say that we have no purpose. I challenge you to think about that. Wherever you are, and whatever stage of life you are in, God has a purpose for you. You will always have some type of purpose, whether it be speaking to a large crowd about your research or cleaning up your dog’s vomit.
That’s all I got.