Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve last posted on here. I really don’t have a point in this, just talking about what’s happened in the past month or so. As I write, I guess we’ll see if any themes come up.
Since I last posted on July 21st, a crap ton of things have happened. First, Leadership Training ended, which was sort of an emotional train wreck (AKA involved lots of crying). On August 4th, 4 other friends and I made the 24-hour drive back to Ohio, which was definitely a test of perseverance. Upon arriving back in Ohio, I was able to go home for less than 24 hours like I mentioned before, which was still a blessing despite how short it was.
On August 6th, I moved into my room on campus and started RA training the day after, which lasted 2 weeks. Then we had our fall move-in, classes began, and the campus church I attend, h2o church, kicked off the fall semester with a lot of different events.
To say the least, it was a whirlwind of insanity, and the only reason I’m able to sit down and write this blog post is because it’s finally calmed down (after 3 weeks!). The quick transition into RA training was very difficult, partly because I was grieving the end of LT and the end of last year, which I hadn’t had time to grieve fully when it happened back in May, and partly because of the drastic environment change. The lifestyle I was living changed completely in a matter of days. I went from working 40 hours a week and doing ministry all the time to sitting in a classroom all day and learning about how to do RA things, which I had already learned the previous year.
As my residents moved in, classes began, and the kickoff of my church happened, things got a little more overwhelming. But by this point, I had become more accustomed to the environment change. What really began to overwhelm me was the mass of people I would be encountering and building relationships with this semester.
I kid you not, I sat down and listed all the groups of people and individuals I would be relating with this semester. I have my life group, which is a bible study of 15-25 people through my church. I also have my residents (about 22 people) and my RA staff (33 people). Then I have my many friends from h2o, people in classes, my 1:12 partner through the well (a mentor-mentee relationship), and a few other certain relationships that I feel will be very important to pour into this semester.
This was so incredibly overwhelming to me. Since the first few weeks of school have passed, I have been able to finally be alright with all of this, but at the beginning of the semester, it was particularly insane because I was having to learn new names everywhere I went, and it was hard to retain all the names (plus, I’m a visual learner, so that doesn’t make it any easier).
Near the end of LT, one of my good friends, Kim Shearer, told me that she felt that this upcoming semester was going to be relationally challenging, that we would all be challenged to build relationships that would stretch us in may ways, and she was absolutely right. Much of the stretch comes from the magnitude of relationships I’ve had to build, but much of it has also come from God speaking to me through these relationships.
If I haven’t mentioned this before, I believe that God majorly communicates to me through people, and he’s definitely been teaching me a great deal about myself through the relationships I’ve been building. He’s also greatly encouraged and convicted me through these people in my life.
In general, I’ve been feeling majorly convicted lately. For instance, a few weeks ago, I was talking to my friend on a Saturday afternoon, and he mentioned that he was doing homework. Not only was he doing homework, but he was actually finishing assignments. After that had been mentioned, I felt greatly convicted about not getting my homework done that day, so instead of hanging out with friends that night, I decided to go back to my room and finish my homework.
Ever since then, I have had much more motivation to actually get my homework done on Saturday, partly so I won’t have homework to do on Sunday (I’m trying to make Sunday a Sabbath day). This has also helped me to not procrastinate on assignments and to start them early instead.
There are many other specific examples I remember, but in general, I’ve been feeling so convicted. In times where I try to be perfect, God has been showing me how far from perfect I really am. My eyes are continuously being opened to how imperfect I am, how much control I try to have but don’t have, and how selfish I really am.
Another thing that God has been teaching me is that people are important. They are important because they are His children (Genesis 1:27), and he loves them so infinitely. If I want to show the love of Christ in my daily actions, I need to love everyone in the most sacrificial way I can. I will be honest, the way I sometimes treat people in my mind is completely evil and disgusting. How can I be so cruel?
Because of this, I have recently been struck by this verse, which I came across a few days ago while I was reading.
“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in
your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”- Psalm 19:14
Right now, that is truly my prayer. I want nothing more than for this to be true in my life, especially in my heart. So, I guess you could say that’s where I’m at right now. I’ve been stricken by my own conviction, but I have hope that the Lord is somehow going to redeem my life, and some hope that he will use my life to encourage people and lead people to Him.
Let my life be a light for others, so that they may know the Love of the Lord.