This semester, I’ve seemed to not be able to give up my guilt. I’ve turned “living to serve” into “serving to live,” or in other words, trying to earn grace through works and through serving the Lord. On my account, I’ve spent at least two weekends this semester so far dwelling on what makes me guilty and condemning myself for it, which has often led me to tears.
But the funny thing is, I know that God loves me and forgives my sins. I know this all too well. I could tell you about it for hours upon hours, I could beat it into your head with a baseball bat. But this fact doesn’t change what I believe in my heart.
Because Satan has been telling me these lies so long, I believe them with my heart. And what I believe makes sense to me. I mean, who would forgive someone like me? Who has done so many things to turn away from God, some things that she hasn’t even told anybody in her life?
But the amazing thing about this is that God doesn’t make any sense at all. He loves us with a crazy love. He sent His one and only Son to die on the cross for us. His only son came to earth, experienced every temptation possible but never sinned, and then he died on the cross for all of mankind, for all sins in the past, present, and future. He spent 3 days completely separated from God. Yes, that’s right- He went to hell for 3 days and survived it- just for you. Just for us.
I mean seriously, this man’s either a lunatic, or He must love us.
And I’m pretty sure the latter is the only thing that makes sense, as far as something can be from sense and logic.
So, if I knew all of this, why did I spend countless hours beating myself up for things I did in my past? Why did I dwell on where I was failing and where I had failed? Why did I even think that God was disappointed in me?
This, my friends, is the power of Satan. He’s really a lot smarter than you all think. Just think about this: Satan was cast down from heaven with 1/3 of all of God’s angels, which makes him a fallen angel. This means that he was previously an angel, and he knew far more about God and His plans than we even know today. He was an insider, but now he’s an outsider. The only problem is that he still has insider information, and he’s going to use this insider information against us in any way he can.
I don’t know about you, but I think that’s ridiculously scary.
And I guess that’s what’s been happening to me for the past 6 weeks. I’m not really sure what help this is to all of you, and I’m not sure it makes very much sense, but I hope that if the same thing has been happening to you, just know that you’re not alone. And know that what you’re believing is a lie.
For Jesus gave up his life for us- “When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.” John 19:30
And if you happen to be thinking that you’re not worthy enough right now, please go talk to someone. Or if you have no one to talk to, send me a message. Respond on this blog. I would want nothing more than to help you. Please read John 3:16 & Ephesians 1:3-14 to remind yourself of how precious Jesus considers you. Please read Ephesians 6:10-20 to be reminded that God has given you the tools to fight these lies in your life.
Because if you’re thinking that God doesn’t love you and could never forgive you, you’ve been quite mistaken.