Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve last posted on here. I really don’t have a point in this,
just talking about what’s happened in the past month or so. As I write, I guess
we’ll see if any themes come up.
Since I last posted on July 21st, a crap ton of
things have happened. First, Leadership Training ended, which was sort of an
emotional train wreck (AKA involved lots of crying). On August 4th,
4 other friends and I made the 24-hour drive back to Ohio, which was definitely
a test of perseverance. Upon arriving back in Ohio, I was able to go home for
less than 24 hours like I mentioned before, which was still a blessing despite
how short it was.
On August 6th, I moved into my room on campus and
started RA training the day after, which lasted 2 weeks. Then we had our fall
move-in, classes began, and the campus church I attend, h2o church, kicked off
the fall semester with a lot of different events.
To say the least, it was a whirlwind of insanity, and the
only reason I’m able to sit down and write this blog post is because it’s
finally calmed down (after 3 weeks!). The quick transition into RA training was
very difficult, partly because I was grieving the end of LT and the end of last
year, which I hadn’t had time to grieve fully when it happened back in May, and
partly because of the drastic environment change. The lifestyle I was living
changed completely in a matter of days. I went from working 40 hours a week and
doing ministry all the time to sitting in a classroom all day and learning about
how to do RA things, which I had already learned the previous year.
As my residents moved in, classes began, and the kickoff of
my church happened, things got a little more overwhelming. But by this point, I
had become more accustomed to the environment change. What really began to
overwhelm me was the mass of people I would be encountering and building
relationships with this semester.
I kid you not, I sat down and listed all the groups of
people and individuals I would be relating with this semester. I have my life
group, which is a bible study of 15-25 people through my church. I also have my
residents (about 22 people) and my RA staff (33 people). Then I have my many
friends from h2o, people in classes, my 1:12 partner through the well (a mentor-mentee
relationship), and a few other certain relationships that I feel will be very
important to pour into this semester.
This was so incredibly overwhelming to me. Since the first
few weeks of school have passed, I have been able to finally be alright with
all of this, but at the beginning of the semester, it was particularly insane
because I was having to learn new names everywhere I went, and it was hard to
retain all the names (plus, I’m a visual learner, so that doesn’t make it any
easier).
Near the end of LT, one of my good friends, Kim Shearer,
told me that she felt that this upcoming semester was going to be relationally
challenging, that we would all be challenged to build relationships that would
stretch us in may ways, and she was absolutely right. Much of the stretch comes
from the magnitude of relationships I’ve had to build, but much of it has also
come from God speaking to me through these relationships.
If I haven’t mentioned this before, I believe that God
majorly communicates to me through people, and he’s definitely been teaching me
a great deal about myself through the relationships I’ve been building. He’s
also greatly encouraged and convicted me through these people in my life.
In general, I’ve been feeling majorly convicted lately. For
instance, a few weeks ago, I was talking to my friend on a Saturday afternoon,
and he mentioned that he was doing homework. Not only was he doing homework,
but he was actually finishing assignments. After that had been mentioned, I
felt greatly convicted about not getting my homework done that day, so instead
of hanging out with friends that night, I decided to go back to my room and
finish my homework.
Ever since then, I have had much more motivation to actually
get my homework done on Saturday, partly so I won’t have homework to do on
Sunday (I’m trying to make Sunday a Sabbath day). This has also helped me to
not procrastinate on assignments and to start them early instead.
There are many other specific examples I remember, but in
general, I’ve been feeling so convicted. In times where I try to be perfect,
God has been showing me how far from perfect I really am. My eyes are
continuously being opened to how imperfect I am, how much control I try to have
but don’t have, and how selfish I really am.
Another thing that God has been teaching me is that people
are important. They are important because they are His children (Genesis 1:27),
and he loves them so infinitely. If I want to show the love of Christ in my
daily actions, I need to love everyone in the most sacrificial way I can. I
will be honest, the way I sometimes treat people in my mind is completely evil
and disgusting. How can I be so cruel?
Because of this, I have recently been struck by this verse,
which I came across a few days ago while I was reading.
“Let the words of my
mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in
your sight, O LORD,
my rock and my redeemer.”- Psalm 19:14
Right now, that is truly my prayer. I want nothing more than
for this to be true in my life, especially in my heart. So, I guess you could
say that’s where I’m at right now. I’ve been stricken by my own conviction, but
I have hope that the Lord is somehow going to redeem my life, and some hope
that he will use my life to encourage people and lead people to Him.
Let my
life be a light for others, so that they may know the Love of the Lord.
